Shattered
by Midnight lightening
Summary: They want to switch the life support off


Written for the prompt Coma

_They want to switch the life support off_

Doctor Edward had patiently explained to Mac that turning off the life support would be the best and kindest thing for Jason now. That without the life support Jason wouldn't be able to breathe on his own anymore due to the amount of damage and pressure Jason's body sustained when the submarine first went down.

_This is your fault_

A little voice in Mac head accuses him as guilt floods his entire being as surely it was Mac fault that Jason lay in a coma in the first place. After all hadn't it been Mac who had allowed Jason to go into the submarine so Jason could go chasing after the ghost of his father down into the deep and treacherous sea waters. It had been Mac who had authorised Jason submarine to go down there. It had been Mac who had taught Jason how to piolet a submarine in the first place. But now thinking back had there been areas of his training that Mac had been to lax on because Mac had been so proud that Jason had been following in his footsteps.

Mac remember the apprehension and fear that he had felt the day of Jason's accident, but Mac had convinced himself that the reason he had been so fearful had been because of Jason's father that instead of listening to his gut which had screamed at him not to let Jason go down into those waters.

That the reason why Mac felt so nervous was because this had been where Adam had died, and know Jason was going down into the ocean in order to find the body. Something that Mac personally felt like Jason didn't need to see. Mac didn't want his boy to come back from the submarine with nightmares about his father's remains what little there would be at the time and the guilt resurfaces. If only Mac had insisted on recovering the body earlier, then maybe Jason would have been able to accept that Adam was dead. That his father would never be coming back. And then just maybe Jason wouldn't have felt so guilty and apprehensive about bonding with Mac.

_You need to let him go_

Mac recalls the words he had said to Jason the angry bitter jealous filled words that had accused this mess in the first place. It had been the last row Mac had with Jason before the accident as Mac at the time had been so angry with Jason for not doing enough, for holding back and let his life pass him buy. Angry because Jason who had an amazing degree with a whole future to look forward to had been so fixated on his father. Instead of forming a long and lasting relationship with a girl, something Mac knew Jason could if he tried. And why would any girl not want Jason who was stunning to look at something a lot of modelling agencies had tried to monopolize on over the past years. Bright, witty, kind and had a bit of a hero complex. After all Mac had lost count the amount of times Mac had to pick Jason up from the police station after some heroic rescue of a girl from a drunken fellow had gone wrong.

But Mac had been jealous as well because in all the time he had known Jason, Jason had idolized his father over everything. Something that Mac had covert for himself after realising he loved Jason like the son he had never had and the bitterness when he realised Jadon didn't see him as the father he didn't have.

_Until I see a body I will always believe that my father could come back to me. _

With a bitter laugh at the irony of that statement of Jason's as he poured himself another coffee from the hospital machine because surely that was what Mac was doing now. Believing that by some miracle that after three years of being in a coma that one day Jason would wake up and come back to him and if by some miracle Jason did wake up.

It wouldn't be his Jason, it would be a helpless stranger who looked like Jason but would be completely helpless. Something that Mac knew the strong and independent boy he had raised would hate. Due to the amount of brain damage Jason sustained when the ship sank due to the critically low levels of oxergon it would be very unlikely if Jason would be able to talk. And after three years in a coma the amount of muscle loss would make it extremely difficult for Jason ever to walk again. Could Jason cope without being able to run, without being able to fly across the football pitch like he had so many of the other times before. Jason had loved sports. He had always been remarkable quick and agile for his age. Could he really allow Jason to live a life that he would hate?

_Except he's not coming back and you need to let him go._

After having a long and difficult think about Jason and what he knew about the boy he raised, Mac knew that Jason wouldn't want to live the way the doctors and other health care experts would claim his quality of life would be if he ever woke up from his coma. And would Jason a boy who had been so selfless and brave want NHS resources going on him when they could be going on other people. No Jason due to his low self-esteem and massive heart would have wanted the NHS to spend money on other people and would want the doctors to save them.

He would turn the life support off it would be what Jason would want. So Mac said one finial goodbye to Jason and left the hospital wing for the last time.

Mac may never get over the guilt of signing the papers but he knows in his heart that this is what Jason would want.


End file.
